Please continue with us on Megan’s journey as she struggles to stay alive. This is part two of a two-part series. In September, Megan opened up her heart on social media about her struggles with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, and we asked Megan if she would share with our Resident Press readers how she survived the darkest times of her life.
“I can’t recall exactly how many pills I took, but it was a lot. In that moment right after, I don’t remember calling my mom, but I know I did. I just remember the Holy Spirit stirring me to call my mom, and I know the power of the Holy Spirit helped me to make that call.
To this day, I get sick thinking about having to tell my mom what I did. This is where my memory starts to fade. I remember small pieces of what happened next. I remember my mom coming through the back door of the house and her crying as she saw me. I can recall the small parts of the car ride to the ER, the memories of all the tears that flowed, and my mom praying over me.
Once we arrived, they laid me on cold table, and the next thing I remember is waking up in the ICU. I can still hear the sounds of the beeping of the machines and hearing lots of people crying out to God on my behalf. Its as if life was going on without me, and I was watching a movie. It was by the grace of God, the doctors were able to get all the meds out of my system.
The next time I was fully awake, I was being told I would be transported to an inpatient treatment facility. I had to ride in an ambulance because they would not even let my parents drive me. I spent about 5 days in treatment. I was monitored 24 hours a day, and I could only call my parents one time a day. I had therapy twice a day, and I began medicine for further treatment. I was officially diagnosed with situational depression and an anxiety disorder. Leaving treatment, I was filled with a new hope. I had gotten help that was greatly needed.
The last 10 years have been full of growth and learning. I’m learning how to better maintain my anxiety and how to deal with my depression when it comes. I’ve learned and still learning how to fully depend on the Lord for strength to simply get out of bed. Without Jesus, I am not sure I would have made it through the last ten years. God is my hope and my strength. I have become thankful for my story and my struggles, because it has drawn me closer to Christ.
For people with depression and anxiety, there are good days and
there are bad days. It’s a constant battle. It doesn’t always end. Each day, I
wake up and give my battle to the Lord. It’s ongoing.
Mental health needs to be talked about more within families, at school, and in the church. We all need to take the shame away from mental health struggles. I have especially felt a calling to speak out about my story within the Christian community. With God’s blessings, I have met many people within the body of Christ who have prayed for me and encouraged me. However, I have met a few who have told me to keep my issues to myself and that I must not be a true Christian if I struggle with anxiety. There are many people who walk closely with Christ who struggle with mental health. There has been no talk of it within the church until the last few years when more pastors have begun taking their life. Mental illness is real. Depression is real. Anxiety is real. Real people deal with these issues. Real people who love Christ. As a church and as a society, we need to be more aware and to allow conversations to take place where these Christians battling suicidal thoughts aren’t feeling too ashamed to speak up. We all need hope and Jesus Christ is the ultimate hope.
To those struggling with any form of mental health: You are not
alone. You matter. You were made for a purpose. Don’t be afraid to ask for
help. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Seek out the help of a counselor.
To those who know someone who is struggling with mental health issues: listen and know that even if you don’t understand what they are feeling, it’s completely real to them. Do research on what warning signs to look for and pray for them. Go to counseling with them if possible to better understand what they are feeling and experiencing. Also, please understand that mental illness is an illness. You cannot just “get over it”. It can be a lifetime struggle.”
Megan’s struggle and openness of her story amazes me. So many times, we, as a society, want to put on a “face” to our peers that everything is ok. Then, when we get home and alone, we are faced with our darkest fears, our struggles, and depression. In these darkest times, the enemy comes in to attack and play mind games. It’s in these moments, we must seek out help. Don’t try to face it alone. Don’t try to cover it up. Someone can help you. Someone can love you. Someone can be there for you. The bible says, “Is anyone crying for help? God is listening.” (Psalms 34:17 MSG Bible) God loves you just where you are at. No matter what you are going through, God still loves you. You don’t have to come to God perfect, because it’s through Christ, we are made perfect. So, if you are struggling, I encourage you to seek out help today. Don’t go another day through the motions. Don’t go another day through life with no happiness. Don’t go another through life without laughter. Don’t go another day through life feeling lost and hopeless. Reach out for help. Today could be your life changing day. Today could be the first day of the rest of your life filled with happiness.
If you are someone you know is contemplating suicide, you can call The National Suicide Hotline 24 hours a day: